I’m turning 50, but I’m doing my teenage years again.

Turning 50 really means you can do what you want guilt-free.

Fifty is on the horizon, and rather than feel scared or resentful, I’m looking forward to it. I think that anyone of a similar age will agree that there is something incredibly liberating about finally knowing who you are and knowing what you want. However, perimenopause is in full swing, so I’m not saying that I don’t get the odd wobble (HRT has helped with that). 

What I have discovered is that I can enjoy absolutely anything guilt-free. And despite a life full to the rafters with a career, a relationship, parenting, health, and looking after an older parent, I don’t feel a single ounce of guilt when it comes to enjoying my free time (what I have of it)  and what I do with it. That feeling that I should be doing ‘something better’ with my time has started to dwindle. 

How am I doing my teenage years again? Well, let’s be clear, I’ve got no interest in sitting in the park with my mates, a bottle of cider and one Benson and Hedges that I bought from the dodgy local ice cream man. It’s more about rediscovering things I used to love, but at the time, I kept to myself because I wanted to be one of the cool kids. 

The funny thing is, if I were a teenager now, all the things I loved ARE cool. One of the advantages of social media is the rise of hobby sharing. And the attitude of letting people enjoy their things. At 16, I would spend hours in my room creating collages, making scrapbooks, knitting and sewing. I don’t think I ever shared any of these hobbies with a friend, and I don’t know why. I had fantastic friends, but for some reason, I felt I had to keep my hobbies to myself. I was far too cool to be knitting or cutting and sticking. At least I thought I was. 

Junk Journal collage

The last few years have seen me pick up these hobbies again, and I can truly say I’m fully immersed in my arts and crafts era and having a lovely ol’ time. Junk journaling is a firm favourite right now. Searching fashion magazines for cuttings, buying stickers (Japanese and Hello Kitty are my favourites). And don’t even get me started on my growing collection of Washi tapes. I spend hours on these little projects, and I’m lapping up the ‘flow state’ that I achieve. Creating without any expectation, the internet, or even my own thoughts, makes me feel as though I don’t have a care in the world, for a while anyway.

I’ve always loved stationery. And for many years, I’ve focused on some very mature styles of notebooks and pens. These days, I happily whip out a journal covered in cat stickers and pens loaded with glitter in all colours. Stickers have become a real passion, more so now than when I was younger. Just before Christmas, I found myself in KENJI in Cardiff. It’s a Japanese gift store that happens to stock lots of cute stationery, clearly aimed at kids and teenagers. I found myself grabbing packs of little animal stickers, fruit-shaped erasers and anything pink and sparkly. The shop assistant commented on how these will be lovely stocking fillers for the kids. When I told him they were all for me, his eyebrows met his hairline. Then he said, ‘Good for you!’ and I thought, yes, good for me. 

Full junk journal spread.

Along with this, I’m enjoying some really awful pop music, old and new. I quite like buying soft toys for my bed and PJs with cartoon characters on them. All my kids are older now, I have 2 grown-ups and a teenager, but I fully intend on filling my 50th year with colouring books, kids' films at the cinema and trips to the zoo. I’ll combine all of this with Housewives of Salt Lake City and continue to live a life that has no regrets.